"X-RAY EYES!"--MO Portugal, June 15, 1977 GP NO.628
--Was I in the 5th Dimension?--Or was it a taste of death and I was a ghost!--It was wonderful!
Copyright © Nov. 1977 by the Children of God
1. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT: I woke up last night sometime in the middle of the night and I was all soaking wet with sweat and the sheet was all sopping wet and I was a little cold and had somehow broken out in a cold sweat! It was almost like I was afraid, because I was afraid. I don't know how to describe it, but somehow I remembered, and then I...
2. IT'S BEEN SUCH A FUNNY STRANGE EXPERIENCE, VERY STRANGE! I was almost afraid to go to sleep again--it was almost like a nightmare, and yet it wasn't all that bad. But I remembered...I just don't know how to explain it. I remember this somehow just before I woke up. Lord help me in Jesus' name.
3. I WAS LIKE A PHOTOGRAPHIC NEGATIVE--I don't know how to explain it, it's like I was ... It was about the closest thing to "The Green Door." (See Letter No.262.) I think that I ever experienced or ever had in the way of a dream--if it was a dream! It was like I was--it was something like that metamorphosis in the Green Door when we were coming out, only I remembered I'd just been the opposite.
4. IT WAS LIKE I WAS THE NEGATIVE, negative instead of positive. You know, in a photographic negative you can see through it and everything is reversed. If you look through it one way everything's either reversed or upside-down or just the opposite of the way it was in real life.
5. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE I WAS A THREE-DIMENSIONAL NEGATIVE, I was just the opposite of everything, I don't know how to explain it. I could see through me and I could see through the objects in the room, I could see right through the walls and everything! Everything was, it was like it was all there, but I could just see through it all, clear out into the street!
6. I COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE FURNITURE AND THE CHAIRS AND EVERYTHING, I could even see through me, you know what I mean? No, of course you don't know what I mean!--I don't understand it myself! It was the funniest thing! It was just like everything was sort of the opposite, everything was sort of--not exactly inside-out, but sort of backwards, I don't know how to explain it.
7. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE I WAS FLOATING.--And the bed: I was on it, in it, but didn't really need it--I could have just as easily floated right in the air! So strange! I looked around and I could see through the table, I could see through everything! You were asleep. It was even dark, isn't that funny?
8. I FELT LIKE MY BODY'D ACTUALLY CHANGED SOMEHOW, IT WAS LIKE I WAS TOTALLY CHANGED! I was just the opposite, inside-out, left-to-right and top-to-bottom, everything was the opposite direction. I just don't know how to explain it. Maybe that's what they call the Fifth Dimension or something, I don't know.
9. IN SOME WAYS IT WAS SORT OF A WONDERFUL FEELING, EXCITING, THRILLING--REALLY!--But really really strange! It's like I didn't really need the bed anymore, I could have just as easily have floated right here.
10. AND THEN THERE WAS SOMEBODY ELSE THERE or something, I don't know what it was, but it sort of kept pulling on me. I think it was Luigi (our ... friend) and he wanted me to go somewhere with him. He kept trying to get me to come with him, but I was afraid to go, I was really afraid to go anywhere.
11. I WAS EVEN AFRAID TO MOVE! It was almost like I felt that if I left this spot in time and space that I might not be able to find it again, I might not be able to get back here again, might not be able to come back and get back through the hole, this place, back into reality.
12. IT WAS SORT OF LIKE I'D FOUND THE PLACE, THE TIME OR SPACE WARP, A PLACE TO SLIP OUT OF REALITY AND OUT OF THE PHYSICAL INTO THE SPIRITUAL.--And although everything was still here, even my body was still here, everything was totally different and unreal, see-through and unlimited--you know what I mean? No, you couldn't know what I mean! I don't even hardly understand it myself, I don't know how to explain it.
13. HOW CAN I EXPLAIN IT IF I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT? I was trying to stay in the spirit and trying to still remember, still trying to explain it, but it's so weird I couldn't even figure it out myself! And somebody, he or whoever it was, wanted me to go over that way to the left towards you, but not to you but beyond you, he wanted me to leave and go with him someplace.
14. I THINK IT WAS LIKE HE NEEDED MY HELP OR SOMETHING, he wanted me to come with him and he kept being insistent.--Just like the last few nights he's been so anxious to want to see me, you know?--And now it's almost like he came to me in the spirit and wanted to pull me away and insist that I come with him, but I was afraid to leave this spot for fear I couldn't find it again.
15. ISN'T THAT STRANGE? I can't explain it, I felt so completely...I just can't explain it, it's just almost impossible!--Inside-out, upside-down, backwards...it's impossible!--And yet everything was here just like it is. It seemed like if I just gave myself the slightest little shove I could have floated right up off the bed and floated after him or wherever, you know?
16. BUT I WAS AFRAID. It wasn't as though it was bad or that it was anything evil, but it was so strange and so different and I was just like a little child, just like I was afraid of the dark and something unknown or some strange experience I didn't understand.
17. I WAS JUST LIKE A LITTLE CHILD, I didn't want to leave, like I didn't want to leave my mother's side, like I didn't want to leave you, I wanted to stay right here and I wanted to get back. It was an exciting, thrilling experience, really wonderful in a way, but I was afraid.
18. IT WAS SO DIFFERENT AND SO STRANGE I was afraid to go or leave, I was afraid I wouldn't come back or I wouldn't know how to get back. I wish I could remember the rest of the things. It was like I was really floating, and I could see all the objects in the room and all the room and everything, but I could see right through everything!
19. IT WAS JUST LIKE EVERYTHING WAS A TRANSPARENT NEGATIVE, and I could just see right through it, you know what I mean? I mean, the form was there and the outline was there, but I could see right through it! It sort of scared me. I looked down and I could see right through the covers, I could see my body lying under the covers, I mean I could see perfectly every detail!
20. BUT I COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME AND THE BED AND THE FLOOR AND BEYOND! And I felt like it was totally sort of reversed, not just from side-to-side or top-to-bottom, but sort of inside-out too, like it wasn't part of the material world, and yet there it was--I mean I could still see it!
21. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT!--And it sort of worried me--I wouldn't say I was frightened, but I was a little bit worried about what was happening, and I didn't want to go with Luigi or whoever it was because I was afraid. I didn't know where we were going and I was real...felt real funny about being so different.
22. WELL, I JUST MUST ADMIT THE WHOLE THING SORT OF SCARED ME, not real frightened but sort of worried and concerned--concerned--that would be the word. I felt like I could do almost anything--I could float, I could fly!--I had the feeling that I could not only see through things but I could go through things!
23. I COULD HAVE GONE RIGHT THROUGH THE WALLS, for it seemed like they were only partly there, it's almost like they were just shadows, you know what I mean? Or like you see a pane of glass, it's there and yet it's not there, you can see through it, only instead of being stopped by it, I think I could have just gone right through it!
24. IT SEEMED LIKE ONCE OR TWICE I SORT OF FLOATED A LITTLE BIT, JUST LIKE I WAS A GHOST! Things around me were not very stable, because I could just float right through the covers! That was the strangest experience I ever had outside of "The Green Door", only it was even more strange in a way, because I just lay here studying it, trying to figure it out and thinking of what was happening and what I should do.
25. FINALLY I GOT SO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, AS HE KEPT BECKONING ME TO COME, COME, COME,--BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO. I got so concerned about it that it was like I made a real real strong effort to get back into reality, almost like you do sometimes when you're in a nightmare and you're trying to escape, you're trying real hard to call or scream or run, and it was like I made a real strong conscious effort to return to reality, real hard, and boom!
26.--I WOKE UP ALL SOAKING WET, JUST RINGING WET WITH SWEAT! The covers were all soaked. Do you remember? I think when I woke up I stirred around so much it sort of woke you up a little. Thank You Lord! And then I was sort of shook up a little by the experience, and I lay here awake for a little while trying to figure it out and trying to go over each detail and remember it so I could be sure and remember to tell you. It was the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake you up.
27. SO I FELL BACK ASLEEP, AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN! Isn't that strange? I think I remember it all. It was like it was happening again, it was almost like I sort of drifted into it again, and I didn't want to and I was fighting it, really fighting hard, consciously.
28. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE CONSCIOUSLY FIGHTING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS, or something like you'd fight a fate, almost like fighting sleep or something.--And I was drifting into it again but I didn't want to go. It was something like, I had the feeling like, I think it's because I was afraid if I got into that other dimension I'd get stuck there and I couldn't get back.
29. SO I FOUGHT IT SO HARD I WOKE MYSELF UP AGAIN!--And I was half sitting up in bed with all those severe chest pains like I have sometimes lately.--You know, like I'd wrenched myself so hard, I'd strained so hard to pull myself out of it, that I'd gotten one of those chest cramps, and boy, that sure woke me up!
30. SO HERE I WAS BACK AGAIN! But I kept lying there thinking about it and thinking about it and trying to figure it out, wondering what in the world it was. It wasn't like Luigi was trying to do anything bad or anything, but like he was just desperate about something and he wanted me to go with him and help him or something.
31. AND HE KEPT BECKONING ME: "COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!" He was so insistent! You know how he is, so insistent, he just wouldn't take no for an answer. But I just didn't want to go, you know? It was so strange! Everything was sort of real and yet unreal.
32. IT'S LIKE YOU'D HOLD UP A NEGATIVE AND LOOK THROUGH IT--that's the nearest thing I can compare it to...You know what a film negative is? You know how it's got objects and people and everything, but everything is totally opposite--the blacks are white, the whites are black, the lights are dark and the darks are light--you know?
33. YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE NEGATIVE, YOU KNOW? If the object's not too dense or dark, you can see right through it. Different objects seemed to vary in density, in shade, just like it depends on whether a piece of glass is very dark or light how well you can see through it.
34. BECAUSE IT WAS SO DARK, I THOUGHT IT WAS NIGHTTIME, it seemed like it was dark and night, and it was a little hard to see through some things because it was so dark. But it must have been morning, it must have been after dawn, because I remember now, although the room was dark, I could see through the walls that it was lighter outdoors, the street was light, the trees. But the room was dark, I guess because we had the shutters down and everything closed.
35. AND I JUST LAY HERE LIKE THIS ON MY BACK JUST MARVELING AT IT ALL WITH SUCH A GREAT WONDER, LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? What's happening? What's the matter with me? What kind of a state is this? Is it good or bad? I had the feeling it wasn't so bad, but it was just strange and I wasn't used to it, you know? Like a little child going into a dark room, I was just a little scared, not real frightened, but a little ...
36. NOT THAT IT WAS ALL THAT BAD, BUT IT WAS JUST STRANGE, and I was reluctant to move or go or leave this spot for fear I couldn't get back to it, and I didn't know where we were going.
37. IT WAS A LOT LIKE THAT TIME WHEN I WAS WITH DR. KOGER'S GHOST, and he had come for me to take me to Heaven. I figured I must be dead when I sat up out of my body, and it was like that time I came out of the Green Door--we felt that sort of ripple, and we changed back from something that seemed to be sort of different or immaterial back into the material world.
38. IT WAS REAL REAL STRANGE! I just lay here looking around and I could see through that closet door and the radio and the walls and I could see into the bathroom--even through the outside walls out into the street!
39. I COULD SEE THROUGH THE CHAIRS AND TABLE AND THE FURNITURE AND THE BED AND EVEN ME AND YOU AND THE COVERS! It was just like everything was half real and yet half unreal, you know?--Half in and half out, half in the spirit and half in reality.--Well, it was more in the spirit than it was in reality.
40. BUT I MADE THOSE STRONG STRONG CONSCIOUS EFFORTS TO GET BACK OR WAKE UP. Both times I did, although the first time I came back I was all sweaty, and the next time I was having this real bad cramp. Praise the Lord, thank You Jesus! I need to get some more exercise--it's not good for me to stay cooped up in this room all the time. I haven't had enough fresh air, sunshine and exercise, we've been so busy. But thank God I got that article done!
41. IT WAS REALLY KIND OF A WEIRD EXPERIENCE, but it was really kind of thrilling and exciting, just to lie here and look around and be able to see through everything! Everything was still there just like it is, except that I could just see through it, isn't that funny?--Even me! I could see right through the covers and me and the bed and the floor and beyond! It's funny, I don't remember seeing through the ground though--it just seemed like that was the limit as far as I could see at the moment.
42. IF I'D HAVE GONE WITH LUIGI MAYBE I COULD HAVE SEEN MORE. Do you suppose he's some kind of psychic or medium or something, that he could visit me in the spirit like that?--Or that it's just in the spirit, his spirit was seeking my spirit and needing me, calling me, like he needed help. It was like he was right over there on the other side of you standing right over there on the floor, although you don't exactly stand, you just sort of float, but you sort of stand too.
43. IT'S LIKE I COULD STILL FEEL SOME THINGS A LITTLE BIT, SLIGHTLY TANGIBLE, BUT SORT OF LIKE COBWEBS. I don't know how to explain it, like soap suds or smoke or something--but you could just easily be free of it. I could easily have gone right on through the covers! But I didn't want to go. Praise the Lord! Thank You Jesus! Amen, thank You Lord!
44. BUT BOTH TIMES I HAD TO MAKE A REAL STRONG CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO COME BACK or wake up or whatever it is, and all of a sudden I was here in the natural, material, normal. It is a real real real strange feeling, strange weird feeling! I can't explain it! It was like I was sort of a negative, just the opposite, everything is just the opposite, inside-out and everything, I don't know how to explain it.--My whole body!
45. I KNEW WHERE I WAS, BUT I COULD SEE JUST LIKE AN X-RAY! That's a good way to describe it--it was just like I had X-ray eyes! I could partly see what was the material, but I could see right through it! The thing about it was, it was like everything in the room was an X-ray photo, I mean, it was like it was all X-rayed, like an X-ray negative. It was there and yet it wasn't, you could see it and yet you could see right through it!
46. JUST LIKE I HAD X-RAY EYES! But I didn't particularly want to go on with it, like I was a little fearful and concerned, a little worried, like I just didn't want to ... I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. So I tried real hard to get back and I did, both times. Isn't that strange? (Maria: Thank the Lord, I'm glad you came back!)
47. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE LORD, I was thinking about the Lord all the time, like I realised He knew what was happening. It was almost like the Lord was observing my reactions and He was just watching me to see how I'd react, almost like it was an experiment, a test or something, like He was some great scientist watching my reaction to the experiment.--But when I didn't like it or I didn't want it, why, He just let me come back!
48. ISN'T THAT STRANGE? I didn't call on the Lord or anything. I didn't cry out or pray or anything dramatic. But somehow it was just like I knew He was there watching, and that was one thing that reassured me. I just felt like, well, it's all right, the Lord knows, whatever is happening--maybe He's trying to show me something.
49. BUT I GUESS I WASN'T READY FOR IT, because I didn't want to be shown, isn't that funny? I just didn't want to go, wherever it was I was going, and I didn't want to leave. But I don't know whether that was just drifting into another dimension or the other world, or whether that was a little bit like death, like maybe the Lord was testing me to see if I wanted to go.
50. BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO YET. Whatever it was, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to stay there, it was too strange and weird! I was half frightened, but I was half excited; I was half worried, but I was half thrilled at the mysteriousness of it all! I just don't know how to explain it.
51. I WAS JUST FILLED WITH WONDER AND AMAZEMENT! I looked around and I was enjoying looking through things, how marvellous and how wonderful!--And yet, on the other hand, I didn't want to stay there. I was a little worried. And I certainly didn't want to leave this spot and go away with somebody! I hope that doesn't mean Luigi is dead or something! I guess we'll know by tonight if he shows up or not. (But he didn't show up for a long time, many days, and when he did he was hurt, like I'd failed him! Lord forgive me! Please pray for him! He really loves us. God bless him! We love him too!)
52. IF IT WAS ONLY A SPIRIT TRIP INTO THE SPIRIT WORLD, it was certainly fascinating and exciting! But I was afraid it might be death and I might not be able to come back, and I wasn't quite ready to go. I still have too much work to do here. So God gave me my choice.
53. I'D BEEN REAL BURDENED AND WORRIED about all the recent bad publicity and that it might cause our kids persecution and suffering, and I was concerned about our enemies.
54. SO I GUESS GOD WAS GIVING ME A CHANCE TO ESCAPE out of it all if I wanted to, but I wasn't quite ready to quit the fight when faced with the alternative. It would have been so easy to go--just a breath away!
55. BUT I FELT YOU STILL NEEDED ME, so I decided I'd better not go, or I might not get back! But I hope I didn't fail Luigi. But I guess I wasn't quite ready to die.
56. ARE YOU READY TO GO? It's really not bad if you have Jesus!--Just a little scary, as it's all so new and different! But there's so much work to do here yet.
57. ARE YOU WORKING FOR JESUS? Will you be ready when He comes for you? Will you know you're safe and bound for Heaven?
58. IF NOT, YOU'D BETTER GET READY! He's coming soon! Write us TODAY and we'll tell you how to get ready now! May God bless you with Salvation!
Copyright (c) 1997 by The Family