How We Fought For Our Children!

From XFamily - Children of God
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Family Specials News Magazine!
FSM120 (FN229) DO
© February, 1989 By Family Services, Zurich, Switzerland


(Editor's Note: The following article is being published for your interest & information. We do not necessarily endorse all of the actions of the individuals involved. To preserve the author's privacy, names & locations have been omitted. —Mat. 9: 29; Rom. 14: 5b; & Rom. 14: 12. )

Years ago I lost my children in a custody suit, but I know if I had read "Fight For Your Children", it really would've helped me to know what to do. PTL, we were able to get them all back into God's service, but not until the children had to endure two years in the System!

One of the main things that God was trying to teach me was to be a fighter!—I'm still learning this lesson! PTL! When my first husband, R., threatened to take the kids away, I just said, "Go ahead & try!" I just didn't take the situation seriously. I just didn't think it was possible. This was my first mistake—underestimating the power of the Enemy & not believing that my husband would really do it! We were in a state where the judge almost always gives the children to the mother, no matter what she's like. But I wasn't desperate enough & God lifted His protection from me.

At the first hearing, I was counselled by my Shepherd not to get a lawyer, that God was my Defender. I didn't know what to say, & my Shepherd just quoted the verse about not thinking ahead of time what to say & that God would speak. Well, the judgement was that the children go with their father for three months. I saw I didn't know anything so I got a lawyer anyway immediately. The lawyer said, "Well, I can't really tell you to do anything illegal, but if the kids don't want to go with their Dad & if they run away & he can't find them, what can he do? I can tell you that 'Possession is 90% of the law!'" So, he was, in a roundabout way, suggesting that I run off with them!

That's exactly what I should've done— right then & there. I was planning to do that but at the last minute, I got counsel that I couldn't go, that I would be breaking the law—the Home was afraid of the law. So I had to turn over the children! Actually, my ex-husband was really surprised that he got them, he really didn't want them but was under pressure from his relatives (especially his mother who was the one pushing the whole thing), & he didn't know how to get out of the situation without looking bad to his relatives. We were both stuck in circumstances that neither of us wanted because neither of us stood up for what we believed.

Well, I went back to court over & over & tried to fight the System way. Dad was right about not being able to fight City Hall!—It cost my ex-husband lots of money (he had to pay for everything) but it was so draining & we didn't get anywhere.

Dad is also right about the judge listening to the older children & where they want to be. The judge asked the two oldest children privately where they wanted to be. My oldest (9 yrs.) really liked the System & chose her father, my second (8 yrs.) was promised everything by his dad, so he also chose this way. (Later he said his dad didn't follow through on his promises of a new bike, etc. plus he had a very hard stepmother. ) My youngest (4 yrs. ), who was so much more grounded in the Word & in the Family, stayed true to the Family the whole two years he was away from me & kept begging to come back, but the judge wouldn't even listen to him. They say, of course, little ones always ask for their mother, & they wanted the children to stay together. The lawyer had asked me if it was all right to question the children, & I could've said no, but I was so blind in thinking they would choose me & the Family. So, that's another point. Don't let them ask the children to choose unless you for sure know their answer—& be honest with yourself about the situation—children can be tempted & influenced by System relatives with the lure of material things.

One thing I'd like to mention that would help is for the Family around the parent in distress to keep speaking positively & encourage them in the Word. I was told to really get desperate in prayer, & ask the Lord why, etc. etc. —which I did. I was treated like I was really out of it (I was). But it was more like I'd lost the children because I'd been such a terrible mother, etc. & I got so weak from listening to the Devil in addition to the truth about me, that I began to believe that they'd be better off in the System with their father than with me! So, I know this Letter about fighting for your children is going to help so much!

After two years of battling in court, the RNR hit, & I married S. We took an honest look at the situation & saw it was going nowhere & I was stuck in the States because of it. So we decided to take matters into our own hands. I had visitation rights twice a month, so we made our plans. When we picked up the kids one Friday afternoon, we just kept driving. When Sunday night came & they realised we weren't bringing the children back, we were clear in another state!

We right away went to a lawyer & told him what we did & asked advice. He said the rulings of this nature from the state we came from don't hold up in the state we went to. His advice was to get a home, job, get the kids in school—look decent. Then, if R. did find us, he'd have to hire a lawyer to come all the way there &. pay all the expenses, & take me to court in the new state all over again which would be very expensive. Then, he said the judge would probably be reluctant to give them back to the father because they don't like to keep uprooting kids out of their home for no good reason—especially if they're doing well in school & are well-adjusted.

We didn't stay too long in our new state as we decided we didn't want to go through court again even if it did sound favourable. We raised the funds & went to the field. We were frightened to be found, but also a bit wiser as to what the System could & would do. TYJ!

Two years later, my father let me know that R.'s mother was dying of emphesema & was begging to hear from the children. We finally decided to call direct (so they wouldn't have the telephone number on their bill). His mother's heart was so changed! She said, "You know, the kids used to ask me if I was going to Heaven & if I had Jesus in my heart, but I never knew what to say. But, since losing the kids, & my illness, I got desperate with God & now I can say to them that yes, I do have Jesus in my heart! Also, I'm so sorry that I helped take your children away. It was so very wrong of me. Please forgive me. I told R. to drop all kidnapping charges against you. You don't have to hide any more. I love you all very much!" She died a couple of weeks later after touching the hearts of many around her as never before!

We've still been very cautious since then, as we know the Devil can really use people. You can never be too careful, but R. has never come to get us again. PTL! I love you & am so thankful for the Word that helps us become fighters!