Liberty or Stumbling Block

From XFamily - Children of God
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Liberty or Stumblingblock?

By Sara Davidito, November 1986 (BAR Pub)

Dear Family Adults & Parents,

Please honestly consider your answers to the following questions:

If you found that your teen had had some unpleasant sexual experiences, wouldn't you want to try to prevent them encountering, or prevent their worrying about encountering the same bad experiences again if you could?

If you learned that many of our Family teens today regret having had sex with older adults, both in the past & at present, what would you want to do about it now?

How would you go about helping them to overcome their questions, doubts & fears about these unpleasant or regrettable experiences?

Do you believe you've learned enough love & mercy & understanding with children & others to be able to wisely counsel & encourage young people who feel this way?—Even if you or other adults may have played a part in allowing this to happen?

This controversial issue of our teens' involvement with older adults has been a great concern to us for a long time. There have been numerous & varied reports of this happening.—Some experiences seem fine & were not hurtful, others were certainly questionable, but many others were definitely bad & obviously not the Lord.

We of course believe in God's Love & the freedom & liberties of love, sex & nudity in its proper place & with the proper people, but the actual testimonies & personal opinions from the young people themselves seem to point to the fact that overall, older adult sex with young people has not borne good fruit.

Not only have the reported incidences been unpleasant & confusing for the teens, especially girls, but they've been dangerous from a legal standpoint, since the System is dead-set against it & would love to use it against us, & in fact has in any & every way possible.

Responsible, mature, of-age teens (of legal age) may be a different story, but for the record, we want to say that we do not agree with adults having sex with children. The Family should just not do it, mainly because it's illegal. And even though teen sex with adults may be tolerated in some countries, we are against it for young teens in the Family as its fruit is more bad than good. If it is illegal, by no means should it be allowed or it could endanger the work of God. There is only a very short time left to do the works of Him that sent us, & we dare not endanger that work by risking the wrath of the System upon us for something we could have easily avoided.

Nudity & sex are wonderful, beautiful, & we have a good, Godly, healthy attitude & belief in it, but adults must refrain from practicing it with youth, because it's too touchy with the System & apt to be a questionable experience for the young person. The best & safest thing we can do is to just not do it at all. If children want to get involved with each other on their own without any encouragement from us, that's a completely different matter & up to them. Let's let them grow up happily & naturally!—But adults should refrain from any sexual involvement with all underage children & minors.

We recently received honest feedback from some of our teens themselves when we had the opportunity to read through over 100 Teen Questionnaires from our first TTCs. It was very heart-breaking to see from especially the teen girls' own testimonies that overall, sex has not been a good edifying experience for them as children or young teens, & has left most of them stumbled & fearful & over all very regretful of almost every experience they've had with adults, but not with young people, not with their peers! Not only girls, but even some of the young male teens too have had all sorts of encounters with adult men.—Some System & some not! This may shock some parents & adults to hear what your children have experienced, & especially that it appears that some of you are guilty in this matter, & not the "teachers" & samples & lovers you may consider yourselves to be.

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in Me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, & that he were drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offenses! For it must needs be that offenses come: but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" (Mat.18:6,7; KJV)

The only conclusion that we can draw from all of this is that not only is it illegal & red-hot, sure-fire dynamite with the System, but it has been emotionally dam-aging to some, & just not handled right. Like Maria said, here's a case where if it's not good, it's bad, so it shouldn't be continued. Reading all the girls' viewpoints & questions & fears about negative sex experiences resulting from their encounters with adults, proves without a doubt that some adults have been a negative influence on the young people in this area.

Children definitely don't "need" it, & even young teens who are sexy can do it themselves or find another teen. More often than not it's usually the adults who are pushing it on them in the wrong way & wrecking our children's whole perspective & attitudes about beautiful God-given pleasures such as love, sex, men, babies, pregnancy & all! A special Heavenly sample of love that we all wish to bless our new generation with may be degenerating to almost the same worldly depths we adults experienced in the System! So what can we do about it now? Unless an adult is very spiritually & emotionally mature & can intimately fellowship with a teen—not child—in a beautiful Godly way, for all the reasons stated above, we feel it best we now suggest no further sexual involvement at all between adults & underage young people. It's true that teen girls can be quite flirty & act as if they really need it & want it. They act like they're really hinting for it, but then when they get it from some male adult, the majority of them don't like it in the end & regret having done it. The problem is that they seem to press for it & may even ask for it, they act like they want it, but it presents a dilemma, because in most cases, it's not been good for them.

It's such a heartbreak to read on these Teen Questionnaires, as an overall majority opinion by especially the younger girls, that almost every one, in stating their true feelings about adults' "sharing time," said: "I regretted it afterwards." We don't want to instil the idea in our children that it's some kind of need or obligation or mandatory performance, because after all, they don't really need it, & most System kids don't really get all that much at such a young age either. Although Dad has written about teens, & even younger children's sexual interests at that age, these interests can be satisfied by a natural & open attitude with others their own age. It's not until they are older that they seem to be sincerely interested enough to actually get involved on their own initiative with someone older than they are. And even at that, judging from the survey that was done, it appears the best policy would be "Better no intimate fellowship of teens & adults than damaging intimate fellowship!"

Many adults, sad to say, don't seem to have the right attitude & behaviour & unselfish concern about it, especially when it's involving a young person's first sexual experience. It's these initial experiences that affect their lives & attitudes from then on about these things, & in many cases, questions, fears & phobias have resulted. Brethren, this ought not so to be.

"Liberty is wrong when it hinders a weaker one."

We don't have to go into all the details & cite examples here. Suffice it to say, that if meat causes a sister to stumble, then don't eat meat any more. A good tree will bear good fruit, & if it doesn't, we should examine the tree. In almost every one of especially the girls' reactions about sexual experiences with older people, they've said they regretted it afterwards, or didn't really want to go through with it, or thought that the adult party was doing it for themselves. They still are really interested in the opposite sex of their own age, which after all, is more normal & natural, but some of them are even fearful about getting pregnant & having babies. Although many of the girls are eagerly looking forward to having babies in Heaven, they're really not so anxious to be pregnant in their early teen years. This would probably indicate that they have been adversely affected somehow, & it appears that this attitude probably stems from the adults' sample & conversation around the teens.

The teen boys seem to enjoy sex, but have far less experience than the girls, unless they're 15 or 16 or over. Most of the teen boys have not been nearly as involved with sex with adults as the girls have. Teen girls, however, easily fall in love with older men, this is common with them, & it seems very important that we try to closely shepherd our teen girls & encourage them to favour fellowship with good spiritual shepherds who will be only a good influence on them, so they won't become victims of any further bad experiences, as teens are extremely sensitive & easily swayed & influenced by the adults around them.

Dad has already said quite a bit about guarding our children from the System, & in this case it seems we have to take steps to protect them from some of our own misguided adults who would take advantage of them to fulfil their own selfish lusts, or just plain unwise adults who aren't spiritually mature enough to be allowed the responsibility of any one of our precious teens. It should be emphasised to our teens & children that they need do nothing against their will. They can always say "no". And in fact, it is preferable that they not indulge in sex with older adults; it's even strongly discouraged for the reasons already given above.—But they can have fellowship with the opposite sex of their own age & not worry about any demands or obligations or "sharing" with older people at all, until they're older & they want to. Even those who really want to now but are still underage are just going to have to wait. However, it's obviously not the children or teens that for the most part need the brakes applied.—It's the adults, & especially the men.

Young folks being affectionate with each other is natural & healthy as long as they're not hurting each other, but let's keep it within the confines of their own age. Let's set the record straight here & now that youth with youth & teens with teens is the normal natural type of loving sex that we & even the System would expect, & get back to the beautiful "Law of Love" that Jesus & Dad have so lovingly taught & shared with us. "To whom can we give the most liberty? The lion or the lamb? Will you follow the Shepherd as a lamb into greener pastures & be content to enjoy all things at His hand? Or will you rage as a ravenous beast, a loosed lion preying upon the lambs themselves & devouring & destroying the flock? Are you a lion or a lamb, a wolf or one of the flock? Will you feed & follow & love & lamb together with the Shepherd, or will you rage & devour & tear & destroy & scatter the flock & drive them from the Shepherds's fold? The answer is up to you.—Whether you have the lamb like gentle, loving nature of the Shepherd Himself, which loves, rescues, helps & heals & truly cares for the sheep, or the evil wolf like nature of the Destroyer who rends & rips & gnashes with his teeth, only to selfishly destroy, devour, harm & scatter the flock. The answer is up to you!" ("Law of Love", ML#302C)

Another little warning to adults is to also guard our children & teens when out in public. There have been far too many reports of teens left on their own to go witnessing, or out at night alone with another teen, or out with some adult who's not watching them closely & lets them go off on their own, who've then been approached & molested by Systemites. Be on guard even about their being alone in public bathrooms, which seem to be a primary target for this type of thing. It's a wicked World out there & our children already have to have enough exposure to it all just every day when out witnessing, so please do prayerfully & carefully guard your children & teens from anything serious when out in the Enemy's territory, & especially young, pretty preteen & teenage girls.

We as parents & adults should definitely teach our preteens & teens what's legal & accepted System behaviour for them & what's not accepted among the System, i.e. nudity in public, etc. In the same way, our children & teens should be made aware of & taught what's acceptable behaviour to expect from Systemites & what's not. Let's teach them to be aware of the Devil's devices lest he should take advantage of them (2Cor.2:11; 1Pe.5:8). So please do guard your children! Adults, don't let them out of your sight when out witnessing or in the System. Please be prayerful, use wisdom, count the cost & make positively sure that all things are done in God's Love. May God give us great wisdom, faith & love as we teach & train our children in the nurture & admonition of the Lord, according to His Law of Love. God bless you as you guard your children, for they are His!

(After reading this four-pager, please destroy it immediately. Thanks!)

See also