FLIRTY LITTLE TEENS, BEWARE!—"Flee Youthful Lusts!"--2Tim.2:22
By Maria — DO#2590; Maria#113; 1989-10
(Please read unitedly--adults & teens.)
1. Ross Campbell is the author of one of the books which we've summarised in our new Childcare Book, "Raise 'em Right". He's a Christian author, & one of the things he emphasises is how much pre-teen & early teen girls need a daddy, or a father figure to help them through their crucial years.
2. He says, "With a girl, physical contact (especially the more affectionate type) increases in importance as she becomes older & reaches a zenith at around the age of eleven. Eleven is an ultra-critical age when a girl has an almost desperate need for a father or father figure to help her in her preparation for adolescence. He does this by helping her to approve of herself by showing her that he himself approves of her by unconditional love, eye contact & physical contact, as well as focused attention."
3. While recognising the importance of giving our children affection, at the same time we must realise this is definitely not synonymous with sex! They don't have to have sex, they don't really need sex! In fact, having sex with them should be the farthest thing from you adult men's minds! Young teens like that need a father, not sex! And if you can't stop at normal fatherly affection, you'd better let someone else who can, display the affection.
4. But some teen girls play on the sexual angle to try to get the men's attention. That's all that a lot of them want, attention, but it can easily be misinterpreted by the men as meaning something else. So you men just need to take a definite stand in your own hearts & minds that you're not going to be swayed by anything that some young teen girl may do to interest or even entice you.
5. Of course, the very serious threat of excommunication should certainly make it easier for you to avoid any involvement like that with a minor! Just like a priest is supposed to remain celibate in order to remain a priest, so you adult men had better abstain from getting involved with our underage girls. And likewise, you adult women had better not get involved with underage boys! It may be a real fight for some of you, but you can't afford to give in to the lusts of the flesh.
6. There's nothing wrong with fighting against giving in to sexual desires if in some particular situation they're wrong. Let's face it, sex is not something that's always good, clear across the board. Just because we promote sex & we believe God made it & that it's His wonderful creation doesn't mean that it's always good under every circumstance! "All things are lawful, but all things are not expedient or edifying!"--1Cor.10:23.
7. There are times when sex is not good! And you men just have to realise & be "fully persuaded in your own minds" (Rom.14:5) that one time when it's definitely not good is when it involves a minor! We've already made that pretty clear by telling you you'll be excommunicated if you indulge in it.
8. So you men just need to take that stand in your own hearts & minds & say, "No matter what kind of heavy pressure or allurement I may get from some of these cute little teen girls, I'm not going to give in to it!" I know that it can be a difficult distinction to make sometimes between what's normal fatherly affection & what's bordering on the lusts of the flesh, but you men are going to have to draw the line & avoid anything that could lead to sexual involvement.--Just like priests are supposed to, just like anybody who knows that their job & their whole life is at stake, so they refuse to yield to such temptations.
9. We're not supposed to be so weak that we yield to everything just because somebody comes along & pressures or tempts us one way or another! Where's the Lord? Where's the Lord's power? If you know something's wrong, you can resist it no matter what it is! The Lord can always give you the grace & the power if you'll just turn to Him for help. He says, "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in (your) weakness."--2Cor.12:9. Why do you think He says, "Flee youthful lusts"?--2Tim.2:22. That means turn around & go the opposite direction! Don't toy with it or play around with it!
10. So you men have to do your part by not giving in to that kind of pressure. You should realise that the girls probably don't even know what it will lead to & the serious problems that such relationships can create.
11. In most cases, our teen girls have been fairly innocent. They've probably seen their mothers & their aunts & uncles & everyone show lots of love & affection to others, so they've just figured, "Well, this is what we're supposed to do!" And maybe they've also found out that they can get a little extra favour & attention that way. So of course, they'll do anything they can to get attention & win favour & get extra privileges, etc., just like teen girls do in System school with their male teachers, as it's profitable for them to be the "teacher's pet"!
12. But you men are going to be held much more responsible because you are supposed to be responsible adults! You're the ones who are going to suffer for it & be disciplined & even excommunicated for any such involvement! You're the ones who are going to pay the most. Therefore, you are going to have to be convinced that it's absolutely not worth it to get involved with these teen girls. The rules & penalties we've established should certainly help you!
WARNING TO TEEN GIRLS!
13. On the other hand, I think we really owe it to the men that we also make things very clear to you teen girls: "Look, whatever you may think such flirty behaviour may get you--special favours or attention or privileges or even a daddy or whatever--you are toying with something that's really dangerous! You're playing with fire, & not only are you apt to get burned, but you could very well get this man into a lot of very serious trouble that could endanger or even completely destroy his fruitfulness for the Lord, & even his place in the Family!--It's that serious!
14. "And he is under strict rules & orders not to get involved with you! So when you're trying to get him involved & you're trying to make eyes at him & tease him & play up to him & rub against him & kiss him & everything else, whatever your motivation may be, he's the one who is going to really suffer for it! You're really getting him into deep trouble & you could get him excommunicated as a result!--And if you do that, God is going to hold you responsible too!
15. "If you do that, look what you're doing to this poor man! How would you like to be cast out of the Family?--Have nowhere to go?--Not get the lit any more?--Not have any more loving Family fellowship?--He could easily be excommunicated if he gives in to you!" I think in some cases the teen girls provoke it even more than the men!
16. (Fam: Our teen girls definitely need to hear this message because some of them really do initiate it. The little pre-teen girls usually don't know what they're provoking, they're more uninformed & inexperienced. But most of the teens are very much aware of what they're doing, although they don't really fully understand the consequences.) Yes, after hearing all about our former FFing & everything, they probably want to try to do the same thing. Well, our people are already FFed & they're in the Family, so our young girls certainly don't need to try to FF them!--And it's very dangerous for them to do so!
17. So girls, if you have any fear of the Lord at all, if you love the Lord at all, if you love your Family at all, it certainly seems that you would want to forego any lustful or selfish desires like that for the sake of the adult men who run a very serious risk of getting completely excommunicated if they give in to you. This is a very important point & something you need to understand clearly.
MEN, RESTRAIN YOURSELVES!--AND ASK FOR HELP WHEN NEEDED!
18. If any of you men have a definite weakness along those lines, a definite problem with such temptations, you should just confess it to your Shepherds & say, "Look, I can't handle being tempted with this, I can't even be around such a temptation. I just want you to know I might step out of line if tempted like that, so please help me avoid it!" (Fam: One brother we recently heard about is an example of someone who needs help like this.--He's really a good & helpful brother, but some situations tempted him almost above that which he was able to bear.--Such as swimming with a pool full of teen girls. He could hardly control himself.)
19. Yes, it's definitely a very real temptation for some of our men. (Fam: Especially when they swim with some of these sexy bikini-clad teen girls, it's almost too much!) Yes, particularly if he has a wife who never wants to have sex or maybe she just had a baby. (Fam: Or he might be separated & single & lonely. That's why this particular fellow had such a problem along those lines. He confessed, "Well, I'm just very lonely.") After all, what normal man would not be attracted to sweet, pretty, blossoming young women, & even more so, if the teen provokes it or aggressively leads him on?
20. So this is a very needed & important message to both you teens & adults, that you need to try to restrain yourselves.--Not just try, you definitely must restrain yourselves! And you adults who have such a great problem with it that you don't think you can refrain will just have to ask for help so that you don't find yourselves in the kind of situation that tempts you above what you're able to bear. I feel sorry for you, but you're just going to have to learn to bring your body into subjection.--1Cor.9:27.
21. It's possible! The Lord says you can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth you.--Phil.4:13. Jesus said all things are possible, & when you're weak then you're strong, for His strength is made perfect in your weakness.--Mk.9:23; 2Cor.12:9. So it can be done! And you are just going to have to do it.
TEENS, YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE!--DON'T EVEN START IT!
22. I know that sometimes the men sort of invite it, but I would say that some of you little hot patootie teens are often the main culprits. While in some ways you may not be as responsible or accountable as the adults, in other ways you're also very guilty. If you tempt some adult when you shouldn't, & that adult winds up getting excommunicated because of it, certainly the Lord will hold you responsible too!
23. So we want to jerk you up & tell you plainly that you're not just little innocent bystanders, but the Lord is going to hold you accountable. While you may not have to pay the greatest penalty in punishment & have to actually be put out of the Family, the Lord is still going to hold you responsible.--Especially if you know what you're doing!
24. And we're telling you now what the results of such actions will be, so you will know what not to do! So God is definitely going to hold you responsible! If you didn't fully realise it before, you should certainly realise it after hearing this. You're not just little innocent things who are going to get off the hook scot-free, at least not with the Lord! The Lord will definitely not bless it.
25. This is the very thing the System would like to use against us.--Sex with minors, which they always term "child abuse," although in our loving Family there would be very little possibility of genuine abuse. And if there has been any, hopefully we've now gotten rid of that problem completely. ... [EDITED: "Out teens"] don't know the horrors of genuine sex abuse that are committed in the World. However, besides the fact that it is illegal & we must keep the System's rules, as pointed out in this Letter, there are also other good reasons for abstaining from such actions.
26. It's true that one of the biggest & most obvious reasons we've had to crack down & make such strict rules & harsh punishments against any such involvement is because it is so absolutely illegal with the System. The Family can get in a lot of very serious trouble with kids being taken away & parents being put in jail & the Family ripped apart in the media by evil propaganda because of it! The results can be quite devastating.
27. However, another reason we forbid it is because if some cute little teen teases & flirts & is able to steal a man's heart away, she is also usually guilty of taking his mind off the Lord's Work, off his job, off his wife & away from his children.--That's the way it is! That's what has happened in some cases.
28. She then practically starts running the Home, & becomes like a babe put into a position of great responsibility.--"A novice lifted up in pride."--1Tim.3:6. Although she is immature & incapable of such responsibility, she is virtually running things through this man who hardly even knows what he is doing any more because he is so wrapped up in her! So such relationships certainly do not bear good fruit!--And never have! So it's wrong, & that's why she should not even begin any supposedly "innocent" flirtation.--That's what it can lead to!
29. Once you get a man into that kind of a situation, he's practically going out of his mind! That's why they say, "I'm crazy over you." He doesn't know what he is doing & he can hardly do anything but put all of his mind & affection & thoughts & energies into you. Now some of you teens may think, "Wow!--That's a lot of influence & power!" And that idea may appeal to you. But if it does, you can be sure it's from the wrong source, & you'd better not yield to it. For if you do, the Lord is going to really sock it to you, even if your Shepherds don't! (Because maybe the man that you've been so flirty with is your Shepherd!--Who knows?!--That's why it's good to have over-Shepherds who are diligent to keep their eye on their flocks and their undershepherds.)
30. And even if you don't get it here, you're going to get it There! You are going to really get it from the Lord & be held very responsible for a very big bad deliberate disobedience.--Especially if you wilfully go against what we are telling you right now! If you didn't know it before, this makes it clear why you shouldn't carry on like that!
31. I'm not just talking about having sex, either! It's all of these flippant, vain, silly & flirty little things that the teen girls can do that lead into the big problems! Even if you men don't have sex with someone, you can still fall head-over-heels in love with them & go completely out of your mind over them! So even if you just give in to the preliminaries of it--spending hours together & reading together & holding hands, arms around each other, a little furtive kiss here & there, whatever, it's too much!
32. I know that there is sometimes a very fine line between normal fatherly affection that all our men should feel toward all our children, & the other, but I think any of that kind of flirty behaviour can often turn into a lot more than mere fatherly affection! (Fam: Besides, Dad is encouraging the teens to get together with other teens right now. It's time for them to find their own mates & to seriously seek the Lord about their future.) Yes, that's right.
33. Maybe you teens weren't guilty before because you never really had it spelled out for you. But now you're getting it spelled out for you in this Letter! First of all, it's illegal. If you under-aged teens get involved with an adult you could get yourself taken away & put in a foster home. And the adult could get put in jail & the whole local Family could get in serious trouble! Do you want to be guilty of that?
34. Secondly, do you want to be guilty of having a precious Christian man excommunicated, destroying his life & his work & ministry for the Lord, destroying his family, leaving his little kids without a daddy?--Not to mention hurting his wife, & if he's a leader, disillusioning & hurting his followers. All of that can happen just because you give in to a little game of flirting & playing & teasing & rubbing. Do you want to be guilty of all that? And of course, the Lord is going to hold you plenty guilty as well.
35. So it seems to me that some of you sexy teen girls should walk a little more circumspectly & soberly. There is no reason why you have to act that way with any adult men. If you do, you risk getting yourselves & the men & the Lord's Work in serious trouble! It's just not worth it. If you really love the Lord & you really want to serve Jesus, you are not going to do it.
36. (Fam: If they want & need romance or affection like that, they should get their eyes on teen boys their own age who are desperate for emotional stability & love & affection!) Yes, even if the teen boys your own age aren't as mature as you are, maybe the Lord wants to use you to help them to grow up & to become more mature, & to teach them what they need to know, even if you girls have to be like a mother to them in some ways. There's usually a little bit of sacrifice involved in real love, a little bit of unselfish giving. You've been given to all your lives, you should be willing to return it now & give out to others.
37. You need to know that there are some definite rules & restrictions. In spite of the fact that we have a lot of freedom, we don't have freedom to destroy other people's freedom!
38. I can see how you girls could easily get into that if you have a few susceptible men around. (Fam: Yes, if it was to their advantage, almost any female would go for it, if it wouldn't give you a demerit or get you in trouble later. If it works to their advantage they just tend to use it!)
ADULTS, DON'T TOLERATE IT!
39. Well, this should help our adults too, to see how serious it is & to make them realise they shouldn't even let the teens promote it. In other words, if you adults see some teen girl acting flirty with the adult men, you should sit'm down & say, "Look, Honey, that's against the rules!--Let's read this Letter!" Or the man himself should say, "Read this & see how serious this is!--Do you want to get me in trouble?"
40. You just have to stand up for what's right. You have to weigh the consequences & take a stand sometimes. If you see an adult & an underage teen flirting with each other, just stop them & say, "That's improper behaviour & that's not good, it's not Godly! It's not obedient & we can't let it go on.--Stop it!"
41. (Fam: Just as many of our teen boys in the Family got into being cool & worldly, this is like the girls' version of worldliness. It's not exactly being "cool," but it's the wrong spirit.) Well, this Letter should help everyone realise just how wrong it is!--And not only wrong, but downright dangerous for the Lord's Work!
42. So for God's sake, let's not have any more of that kind of behaviour, amen? PTL! GBAKY seeking first what's best for His Kingdom! ILY!
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43. After your Home unitedly reads this Letter, any adults or teens (male or female) who have specific weaknesses, temptations or trials along these lines, should ask for united prayer. While you're all together & united in spirit with this counsel fresh in your minds is the ideal time to "confess your faults one to another, & pray one for another that ye may be healed!"--Jam.5:16. If any of you teens are involved in or even tempted with any kind of unedifying romantic or sexual "love" relationship with an adult, or if any of you adults have or are tempted with any such relationship with a teen, for God's sake, for the Family's sake & for your own sake, ask for prayer & overcome it now!--Amen? GBY!--WLY!
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P.S. to "Flirty Little Teens Beware":
44. Just before giving our final approval on this "Flirty Little Teens Beware" Letter, the Lord helped me to realise that we still needed to add something more to it.
45. It dawned on me that many of our teens will probably find themselves strongly attracted to & having what is known as a "crush" on an adult at one time or another. Even the System acknowledges this as a very common, normal & natural occurrence, & nothing to get overly concerned or worried about. It happens to teens all the time.
46. So I want to make a distinction, a clarification here: It's normal & natural for young teen girls to develop strong feelings towards men teachers or Shepherds whom they look up to & whom they very much admire, respect & see as good role models & good examples. In fact, in these older men they're often looking for a sample of what a Godly man should be like, the kind they will want as a husband one day.
47. There's really nothing wrong with that kind of admiration & love.--If that's all it is. If it's admiration, if it's love, if it's feelings that are kept in the proper place--which is usually in their hearts & minds--then there's nothing wrong with that. There's no reason why they have to express those feelings openly or flaunt them in the form of physical advances or flirty behaviour or anything along those lines.
48. It's perfectly normal for young people to have crushes on their teachers; the girls on the men teachers, & the boys on their women teachers. Even the System accepts & tolerates "crushes" as a fact of life for adolescents & teens. But the problem comes in if you let those feelings get out of hand & do something that would be hurtful to the person or to the Lord's Work. For example, doing something that distracts someone from their work or causes them to do things they shouldn't, or takes their minds & energy & love off of those that they should have them on, that sort of behaviour is definitely hurtful.
49. You just have to bring your body & your mind into subjection, & whatever you do, do all to the glory of God, & nothing to the hurt of others. The Apostle Paul talks a lot about bringing our bodies into subjection (1Cor.9:27). If we didn't have such feelings or thoughts, we wouldn't have to bring them into subjection. In other words, there are some things that are all right in our minds & hearts, but when we start physically expressing them, that's when it's wrong.
50. That verse about Mary illustrates the fact that we can keep things in our minds & hearts without expressing them: "Mary kept all these things & pondered them in her heart."--Luk.2:19. The point I'm making is that it's all right to picture some things in our minds that we shouldn't express. And although some things really aren't wrong in themselves, they're unwise, not expedient or helpful, & could actually become harmful, distracting or even destructive to ourselves & others if we start manifesting or fulfilling them outwardly & openly.
51. Of course, it usually takes some will power to refrain from expressing such feelings. Whenever we feel strongly about someone it takes a lot of will power to keep those feelings where they belong. The Lord is able to help you keep things in the proper place, so I'm not saying that it's wrong to have that kind of feeling. But it is wrong for our teen girls & teen boys & even a lot of our adults to manifest those feelings when doing so would not bear good fruit. (See an example of this in FSM 152, pgs.8-9, the section entitled "Crossing Safe Boundaries by Putting Emotions into Words.")
52. So I'm not saying that it's wrong to have a crush on your teacher. It's going to happen, & it's just normal, & I can't see anything wrong about it. But it is wrong to openly flaunt that kind of feeling & openly try to distract the person from their responsibilities.--Not to mention the very serious implications of our adults being accused of child abuse.
53. Love is not wrong if we keep it in the proper place. Feelings are not wrong either, but they shouldn't always be expressed. (Of course, I'm talking about not expressing such feelings to the one you're attracted to. But it's good to keep in close communication with your Shepherds & let them know what you're going through.) In other words, we don't always have to fulfil the "lusts" or desires of the flesh. Even some of the good feelings & desires we have should not always be fulfilled in any major behaviour or activity. It's often enough just to have those feelings of respect, admiration & love.
54. It's a matter of "all things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient" or "helpful."--1Cor.6:12. In other words, the love that you feel is not wrong, & perhaps the activities that would express that love are not wrong in themselves. But they would definitely be wrong under certain circumstances.--Especially if it's going to bear bad fruit in people's lives, endanger the Lord's Work or set a poor example for others!
55. Love & sex are not wrong in themselves. But sometimes they're just not wise, & would be wrong in certain situations.--And as we've explained, when you consider the resultant problems with the System, as well as the likelihood of the man (or woman) being distracted & the girl (or boy) being unable to handle it, sex between teens & adults within our Homes & fellowship happens to be one of the times when it is wrong!
56. So you just need to watch out how you express the love you feel. And if it's between minors & adults, it would just be better not to express it at all, at least not sexually! But I don't want all you girls or boys to feel condemned if you are attracted to an adult whom you admire or even have a "crush" on. (You can always pray for the one you feel attracted to, asking the Lord to bless, strengthen & prosper them in their service for Him & others!)
57. I know I had crushes on a lot of different older men when I was a teen! Of course, they did occupy a good deal of my time, & caused me to waste quite a bit of time daydreaming. But other than that, I think it was good for me in some ways. At least those crushes focused my thoughts on good samples & good Godly men, not just shallow, foolish people.--Men who were good samples with good fruit. And I'm sure it was good for them in that I did a lot of praying for them.
58. So all that to say, if you teens ever feel strongly attracted to an adult whom you greatly admire, respect or even have a "crush" on, you don't need to feel condemned about it.--Such feelings are very normal & natural. Just be careful (prayerful!) not to openly manifest or display these feelings physically, & especially not sexually!--Amen? GBY! ILY!
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Confirming Scriptures on Bringing Our Bodies into Subjection:
- But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.--1Cor.9:27.
- He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.--Pro.25:28.
- Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.--Rom.6:12-13.
- Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?--Rom.6:16.
- All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient (helpful): all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.--1Cor.6:12.
- I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me, and gave Himself for me.--Gal.2:20.